Have you ever asked someone a question and they do not answer it? So you ask again and they still don’t answer! That’s exactly what I’ve gone through, so I will apologize for being behind on blogging, but it’s times like this when I need to be even closer to my sisters in Christ. I’m talking about these times of silence.
Basically, I have prayed to God about a few things and asking for direction for the past few months. Unfortunately (or in God’s case fortunately!) He is not revealing everything to me or given me a clear direction and IT’S DRIVING ME NUTS!!! On the other hand there are “little” issues that I pray about on the daily that are getting taken care of, but God seems to be far away when I’m searching for direction with these life changing situations! Most of it has to deal with ministry and the fact that God is definitely leading me to pursue that full-time after college. However, I’m not 100% sure where/which seminary or what (i.e. what I’ll get my Master’s in).
Many doors of opportunity have opened in the past weeks with music and just the conversations I have with my peers become answered prayers, but still when I talk to God it feels like I’m getting nothing. So literally about 2 hours ago I had a long “dispute” with God. I know you’re probably like “What? A dispute? You’re gonna get struck by lightning”. But even David had his moments when he communicated to God that he felt as though His presence wasn’t there (Psalm 44:23-24; 42:9; 10:1). And this is the same David who wrote about God being everywhere and how it was impossible to escape God’s presence (Psalm 139:7-12). The freedom that comes with being able to be open and communicate everything to God makes me feel loved even more. The fact that even in my anxiousness He still loves and understands where my thoughts are coming from is mind-blowing! So, yes, I had a dispute with God…a Psalm 10:1 dispute. My answer…..
LySaundra, you need to work on patience.
Fact: In the past, when God has given me direction for something I always get way ahead of myself, put aside what I need to be working on in that moment, and “help Him” finish planning out my life. I was recently told that God laughs when we try to plan our lives! I’m sure He was laughing like crazy a couple of hours ago. But it’s true. I’m such a planner and such a control freak that
sometimes most times God’s planning freaks me out; it makes me nervous! It’s like “Hey, God, Abba, I’m graduating in a few months and I know you want me to do ministry, but exactly where? Women’s Ministry? Music? or both? I need an answer in a week. Thanks!” Now, that’s not exactly how the conversation goes, but that’s the gist of it! As much as this little tantrum with God almost brought me to tears of frustration in the midst of it all He still gave me an answer.
Wait and be patient. I’m teaching you something through this.
Sometimes the silence of God can be due to our own rebellious ways, but most times it is by God’s invitation or design. It serves a purpose. A lot of times we get so focused on the destination (i.e. Graduation, Career, Marriage, etc.), but lose sight of the journey that God wants to take us on that will prepare us for the destination. This season of silence from God isn’t because I’m being disobedient or rebellious, but it’s an opportunity for me to look into my heart and into the heart of God.
Now, yes, I got that revelation from God, but it’s super easier said than done! So, I ask for prayers that I will be patient. Pray that I will begin to trust God with EVERYTHING! And I mean EVERYTHING!!! It gets hard out here for a control freak/Type A personality like myself and often times it kind of feels like I’m walking in the dark, but I want to have the mindset of David in Psalm 139 when he says “Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you” (v. 12). I’m not sure if I’m the only one in this situation, but I definitely ask for prayers and know that I will be praying for others in the same boat!
Love you all!
PS. If you are experiencing the same thing meditate on Psalm 63. I’m also sitting here listening to this Anthony Evans song on repeat called “Silence”.