OCD – “Obsessive Compulsion Disorder”, or in my case, “Overly Controlling Disorder”. I am a planner, worker, advocate and server. I spend large amounts of my time helping others or preparing life after graduation. However, unconventional has seem to become my middle name is these past few weeks or months. Nothing has really gone as planned – at least not as I would have so perfectly planned them to play out in my mind. This includes my quiet time with the Lord. In my perfect world, I see myself eagerly waking up when my first alarm (I have 3!) buzzes – at 5:15am. I envision myself spending 30-45 minutes of uninterrupted, concentrated time with God. But once again, I awake after being caught up in a beautiful dream and discover that it is already 6:37am. Perfect. I need to be out of this house by 7:10am at the absolute latest. I hop in my car, say a prayer for my gas tank that has become so accustomed to “E”, and arrive at campus just in time to catch the 7:20 bus to main campus. As I board the bus, which was just about to pull off until the driver motioned me to hop on instead of waiting 10 minutes in my cold car – I’m on “E”, remember – for the next bus to arrive, I decide to spend the short ride reading a devotional sent to my phone each morning. Halfway through, not thinking this post about choosing Jesus, the “better part” (Luke 10:42), applied to my relationship, there it was. A statement that struck hard in my heart –
“Being wrapped up in God’s work can easily become a shabby substitute for being wrapped up in His presence”
Well then. If my mind hadn’t been so consumed with leading Bible study this Wednesday, updating this blog and future seminary plans, I probably wouldn’t have felt the conviction I did this morning. But that’s all I think about – What can I do to serve? There’s nothing wrong with serving, but this, being in His presence, is a choice. It is a daily choice that, no matter what needs to be done – even Kingdom work – we have the freedom to make. Let me clarify…
Go back to Luke 10 – look at Martha. She wasn’t distracted by any vice per se. The preparations, running around, the work she was doing was for the Lord. She was simply practicing hospitality or being a simple servant. The problem is that though Martha chose the task that was thoughtful, helpful and necessary for the guests in her home, the bottom line is that it would not last forever. It wasn’t as important as time with God. Jesus was in her home. She was in the presence of the Lord and only one thing was needed…
The bus stopped. I exit and head towards my work building. I look at my watch – 7:32am. I don’t have to be at work until 8am. A slight tug on my heart. But where? I’m on campus. This isn’t my home. My typical place of solitude. Campus is so…unconventional. Yet, I knew of one place this early that wouldn’t have much traffic, was peaceful and quiet. The campus marketplace near my job had a lounge filled with couches and chairs. It was different, but it could surely work. It was all I had to offer. And there is where I made the choice to have quiet time with my Lord, if only for a few minutes, before the rustle and bustle of work and midterms week entered my world. At first it seemed weird and very much out of my comfort zone, but once again, it was all I had to offer on this particular morning and I made the choice to give up that time to spend with my Father in His Word.
Graduation is just around the corner – 2 months to be exact! While preparing to work at Kamp this summer (KAA – you know!), finish classes, transitioning out of organizations and pondering about what’s next for me in life, I have to be conscious about not straying away from the one thing that is needed – seeking my Father’s will and spending time getting to know Him, no matter how unconventional and out of the box that time may seem. I think often we can get caught up in waking up early (like a P31 woman) and playing the music, lighting candles, basically setting the mood, that when we don’t get that time – with that setting, with our typical routine – we think all is lost. As though we cannot spend time with God unless the set up is perfect. Distractions come, alarms don’t wake us up, pulling all nighters in college becomes and unfortunate habit, but we still have a choice. Wherever it may be. We have a choice. Whether it’s 10 minutes or 45 minutes; At my home or in the bathroom at my job; I just want to cherish the time I have to spend sitting at His feet.