I’m a Planner and I’m Stubborn

2 “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
Dress for action like a man;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
    Tell me, if you have understanding.
Who determined its measurements—surely you know!

Job 38:2-5

The first time I read this scripture I thought to myself “Ooh, Job, God sure did tell you something ’bout your life”. It was the same response when I first read Hosea – or anything for that matter about the children of Israel. My first thought when reading about God’s discipline with others in the Bible has always been to speculate and look down on whomever is being disciplined or convicted by God. That is, until it happens to me…

When I was a little kid, I was always the one who would laugh if my other siblings or my cousins got in trouble. However, one day that didn’t fly with my grandmother (or Grammy as we called her). After laughing one Thanksgiving, I discovered that the new rule was if you laugh, you’re getting in trouble too. I don’t believe I chuckled a bit at anyone else who got in trouble after that dreadful experience – at least not in earshot 🙂

This is how I’ve felt the past few days as the Lord has convicted me of my own disobedience. Even more as I’ve 1) been disobedient and 2) thought of Job or the children of Israel, but thought “Surely, I’m not that bad!” Oh, but I am! I’m sure I’ve said this many times before, but for the record, I am a major planner! I create color-coded itineraries, my agenda is color-coded, and I’ve had my life “planned” out since I was seven years old! Though, I think back to what I said I was going to do back then and none of my plans have followed through. I’m beginning to realize that the scripture above was not strictly for Job. It’s also for me as a I pray and ask God to lead my life, but turn around and continue to draw up my own little blueprint of what I think my life should look like on a broken Etch-A-Sketch. I know God is so loving, but sometimes I wonder if He’s just laughing at some of us saints who try to plan out our own lives – a gracious laughter of course! It’s like when my 4 year old nephew tries to do something, and I know he can’t do it on his own, but I just watch him fail, kind of chuckle and then I help him out…that kind of laughter.

My roommate reminded me yesterday that there is nothing wrong with admitting that. It’s in our weaknesses that God’s strength is made perfect. Admitting that we’re being disobedient is just a step towards repentance. Ah repentance! It’s not just a one time event that took place when we prayed a little prayer asking Jesus to take residence in our lives. Repentance is just a daily part of the race and a way for me to step aside and remind myself that I need a Savior. Christ is the one doing a good work in me (Philippians 1:6), not my plans or my ideas which, a part from Him, lead me to walk outside of His will, and as I’ve noticed, can have a major impact on our relationship. God has had every minute of my life planned before I even took my first breath (Psalm 139); I know this, it’s all just a matter of acting accordingly. All I have to do is be still and trust Him…Whew! “Being still”… more of that in a future post!

 

In Christ,

LC

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