Am I single? Yes. Do I desire to marry one day? Yes. Is life an unbearable, lonely place that makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out until someone finds me worthy of being their mate? No.
Dramatic? Maybe. But it’s only a piece of a blog post I read recently. I wonder if we, “millennial’s” as they call us, are capable of being single and happy. Indeed, “cuffing season” is amongst us and society is always pressuring us to move forward in life. For example…
You graduate high school: “Which college are you attending?”
You graduate (or simply leave) college: “What career path are you taking”
You turn 20 and so and and so on: “Are you dating anyone?”
You begin dating: “When are you two getting married?”
You get married: “When are you having kids?” and so on and so forth.
So many questions! Yet no one knows when I, as an American, will be able to watch Downton Abbey at the same time as those in the UK. Here’s a question: Why must I wait until January? I digress… *walks off the rabbit trail*
Expectations are going to be placed on us, by others and ourselves – According to 9 year old me, I was supposed to be married by 21; I’m 24. But I believe that life still goes on. And we have the choice to either be terribly depressed about the life we’re living and how much it doesn’t look like the life we imagined or find joy in the midst of it all. You can either focus all of your attention on several reasons why being single is torture or an infinite number of reasons why it’s pure bliss.
For starters, Jesus was single. As a Christian, I’m called to look like him. So, #Winning! Sure, I don’t have the privilege to demonstrate Christ & the Church through the covenant of marriage, but I still have the privilege of loving all people like Christ nonetheless.
I get an entire bed to myself. I’m a wild sleeper – this is a beautiful thing!
I cook what I want for dinner. And I will like it. Because it was my tummy that craved it. And if I made too much and want someone to share with, then I will invite friends, roomies or family to partake in the goodness that is my cooking. But that’s my choice; it’s not expected.
Traveling on a whim. I don’t have to cancel date night or find a sitter or whatever when I feel like taking a trip to the beach or NYC with some of my close friends. I just get my money together (submit my time off sheet to my boss) and go for it.
I’m an introvert and sometimes I like to cancel plans simply because I want to hang out with my books. I do not have a husband or children who live under the same roof as me, so this sudden shutdown of social interaction is totally acceptable and at my fingertips.
I have all the time to focus on my interests/volunteer time/passions. I don’t have to wonder if I’m spending too much time being a volunteer piano teacher. Or if it’s okay to serve on both the hospitality and set-up team at my church. Or if I’m giving too much of my money to causes that I believe in. Or if more of that time/money should go to my husband and kids…they don’t exist yet! Who cares?! I’m occupied doing activities that matter to me and activities that I feel are making a difference.
I’m poor. Well, not exactly poor, but I have student debt. I have this single life of mine to pay it off, so the future bae only has to marry an awkward girl…not an awkward, swamped with debt girl. I prefer to only have one struggle.
My life is complicated enough. Not saying that marriage is a let down; my friends & family who are in one seem to be enjoying it very much, but it is WORK. You don’t enter into a relationship simply because you’re lonely. Romantic relationships are not the antidote to loneliness. You will feel just as alone, if not more, in that relationship. If you think that your single life sucks, I’m sure your married life will suck more. A relationship/marriage isn’t a cure to suckiness. It’s two flawed people trying to live life together while being exposed to just how selfish each of them are, but showing love , and I can’t imagine trying to find my sense of happiness in another flawed human being.
Don’t wait for a relationship to feel whole, or find your “soul mate”, “other half” or some other sick lovey cliché that people use. Life could be over in a moment. You can be whole and complete now. Lord forbid the man that comes to me talking about, “You complete me, boo. You’re my other half”. I desire a whole man. Because I’m a whole woman – can’t quite help you with your half-of-a-man issues. Ooh…whole other blog post. Stay tuned 😉
I’ll close with this cliché: If you can’t be happy with you, no one will be happy with you. And what better time to work on being happy than while you’re single? What’s to say if someone does want to pursue a relationship with you and finds that you’ve spent your entire single life in some pathetic, Disney-princess-wish-upon-a-star-so-Prince Charming-can-rescue-me-from-utter-boredom bubble? I’d run for my life if I were a dude. That’s just sad. Don’t be an Edith Crawley or a Mary Crawley right after Matthew died. Be a Sybil; free, ambitious and making the most out of life. Or if you do not understand my analogies, watch Downton Abbey then return to my blog. Good day!
“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans” – John Lennon
Until next time 🙂 In Christ,